Friday, January 16, 2009

This shit is PRIME tundra real estate

Top of the frosty mornin'! It's a "chilly" negative 9 degrees here in Evanston, Illinois, but don't worry, it "feels" much colder than that. I'm going to go ahead and give a big "FAIL" to the world right now. Al Gore is clearly full of shit- Global WARMING my ass.

"When I say, 'Global Warming', I mean, 'Borophil.' "

Woke up to:
1) a bathroom full of Livi
2) A cat on my face
3) Nothing warm enough to wear cause even wearing jeans makes me feel like my legs are going to fall off
4) No more flax waffles

For the past three days, we've had all the sinks in the house running just a tiny bit so that the pipes won't freeze. While this is a valid and understandable measure to take to fight the evils of pipe bursting (just as Sethie), it creates the creepiest/most obnoxious environment EVER. Yesterday I was sitting at the kitchen table trying to learn German past participles (ausgefangen, gegangen, gewesen...basically more guttural weird noises to create a language that is the most conducive to spitting whilst speaking), you know, the usual, and I found that I was completely and totally unable to concentrate due to the continual "drip-drip-drip-dripping" of not one, but three sinks in the vicinity. Coupled with the extreme cold and silence of the Michigan homestead, I was fully expecting to be attacked by a man in a mask seeking revenge for his family that was killed by a sink or something....or at least Livi in a ski mask trying to scare me.

Addendum: Julia explained more fully to me why she hated being called a "hipster", and I promised that I would update my crazy rant about the over-exaggerated offence that people take to the term. Julia pointed out that there exists a sect of people who do, in fact, hold the basic and ridiculous tenants that they are "put upon", a la Holden Caulfield, by a society who doesn't understand them and never will. They therefore act as if nothing matters to them, are generally surly, and overall they just suck. So, Julia, I do not mean to associate you with such lowlifes and scoundrels. You, my dear, are a gem amongst gems and I adore your fashion sense. That's all I was trying to say.

The Northwestern Library is trying to drive me insane via broken copiers, non-re shelved books, ridiculous fines, angry and unhelpful workers, and flat diet coke.

I'm leaving for inauguration tomorrow.

I had a dream that Bob Dylan circa 1968 was playing a small concert with Jimi Hendrix and I was there, but I was wearing a really, really ugly cream colored dress. Bruce Springsteen was also there, and he introduced himself to me as "Bruce, nice to meet you! Enjoy the concert."

"That's quite an ugly dress, Katie!"

"How-to" systematically sabotage your entire life:
1. Sign up for too many classes
2. Try to write a thesis while taking too many classes
3. Try and learn a fifth language
4. Become a nanny when you clearly don't have the energy to be a mom to a an eleven-year old
5. Stay up as late as possible
6. Get insomnia
7. Order as many items as possible from Billy Mays and/or Vince (SHAMWOW!) whilst watching infomercials because you cannot sleep
8. Become a classics major
9. Ignore good advice from friends about everything and anything, even though you seek said advice


If you could be one person (dead or alive) for just one day, who would you be?
If you said any of the following, go bury yourself in the snow:
a. Yourself
b. Grace Clarke
c. Eric Harper
d. Blowfish Fraimingham
e. Mark Prior (what up '03 Cubs?...yeah, it still hurts.)

Who would I be?

Pericles, pointy head and all.

OK just kidding. I'd totes be Manhattan Barton, World's cutest puppy dog.

Hero of the day: Obviously, that man who landed a freaking broken plane on the freaking Hudson River. WHO DOES THAT? Captain Chesley Sullenberger, that's who. His amazing feat of bad-assery and overall MAD FUCKING SKILLS earns him this prestigious spot in blog history.

I heard he wrassled a gator on top of Mount Everest. Naked.

Currently listening to: The sounds of people walking down the hallway in Kresge
Currently Reading: Sympotica by Oswyn Murray
Currently Craving: Anything. I'm starving.

Peace, Love, and Will's sweet new tat.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

What's this game called?

(Sorry that this wasn't ready at 6 a.m Aunt and Aunt Tina should have an entire conversation about it via the comments area.)

I just read the entirety of Grace's blog and now sufficiently emo to transcribe all of my girl Sylvia's Ariel.

I'm obsessed with ellipses...

Working hard here at Kresge 1-535

I'm having a staring contest with the Labradoodle that lives across the hall from me. He always wins.

Last night Max's girlfriend Mallory "The Canadian" came to dinner. And when I say "came to dinner" I mean she entered into the frenzy and chaos of a Berman/Cutler/Fine/Dhonau/Drucker clusterfuck. We ate Lou Malnati's and I tried to ask her if she was friends with any bears, but Max told me that was inappropriate.


She was extremely nice and polite...bless her heart for not running for the hills when she came into the kitchen on Michigan Ave. and saw all twenty of us standing there waiting for her arrival. Aunt Pat wanted us to go around the room and say our name. I wanted us to go around the room and say our names, do a sweet dance move, and our name favorite fact about Canada. Mine? They still have to pay England for the right to speak English (Fact check me...I learned that from the Daily Show so I could be wrong. But it's a hilarious idea nonetheless). In short, Max denied me the right to have any fun whatsoever.
Question: What's funnier than Canada?
Answer: Nothing.

The hilarity of the evening continued when Grandpa Maury refused to have anyone help him park the car/tell anyone where he was/have anyone help him walking from the car/etc. Steffie was on the phone with him for about twenty minutes - we were using her as bait - and he still didn't show up....About 45 minutes after the initial realization that he wasn't coming with Grandma Flo did he finally walk into the house, covered in snow, and grinning from ear to ear. It was a glorious comeback if I've ever seen one.

The dinner was a success, I believe. We weren't overly embarrassing (I hope ). Only time will tell, I suppose.

Temperature in Evanston, Illinois: 9 degrees; "feels like - 10 degrees". Yep. NEGATIVE TEN. Woof.

There is very little in the world that seems worse than an hour and a half lecture when you're a)so tired than all you want to do is crawl back in bed and never, ever get out and b)haven't done the reading for the class because the Northwestern Library is a huge whore than wants to sabotage your existence.

While rife with sarcasm, this post is less-than witty. I apologize.

Hero of the day: My Hyundai Tucson for overall badass "I don't give a FUCK about snow" attitude, and for making me warm and cozy while i drive Livi to school.

Comment dit-on, "BAMF"?

Currently listening to: iTunes Genius playlist based on "Take me to the Riot" by Stars
Currently reading: don't judge me.
Currently craving: SLEEP

Peace, Love, and Narcolepsy.


Monday, January 12, 2009

This is going to be your new rock anthem

Things that are awesome from today:
1. Finding out that I'm going to inauguration (ticket and everything)
2. Chicken Marsala
3. "Duvel" Belgian beer
4. Girl Talk
6. Chicago Tribune Sunday crossword
7. Being up early enough for Breakfast with the Beatles

Things that are NOT awesome from today:
1. German homework
2. The pimple on my upper lip...woof
3. My inability to keep it in my head to call Eric (even though I love him so...)
4. Finding out that I am not going to a ball (you're such an Indian giver! And don't throw the whole, "I'm taking you to inauguration when I could sell the other ticket for hundreds of dollars" thing again. I wanted to wear a ball gown, and you killed that dream. KILLED IT!)
5. The Giants lost
6. Being up early enough for Breakfast with the Beatles

at 8.5% alcohol by volume, it's been a great evening.

What: Sledding
Who: Micaela, Kristin, Kelsey, Louisa, and Me!
When: Sunday, 11 January 2009
Where: Mount Trashmore- Evanston, IL
Why: Cause we 'gotta
...literally the most fun I've had all break. I haven't laughed that hard in months, so thank you ladies for providing hours of hilarious falls, screams, and awkward friendships with children. Even though the "big hill" on Mount Trashmore has been closed (There's a dude standing in the middle of it wearing a "Security" jacket and crushing dreams), there were plenty of other, much more dangerous trails that people had literally forged by a combination of courage and disregard for safety. One of the trails went through a fence that had been twisted back so that if you were a couple of inches off track you would slam into the side of the fence going about 20 miles an hour. Then, as if that weren't enough of a death defying act, it cut across a back entrance to the park so random cars were further threatening our lives. It. Was. Awesome. The best moments included the girls who were wearing Uggs not being able to keep their traction and falling at random times, and Micaela, Louisa, and I piling onto the longer blue sled and literally almost dying from snow to the face/outright terror. Check Facebook for pictures- Kelsey was keeping a record of our fun.

Some amazing moments from Livi in the past couple of days:

Sitting in the back seat of my car just singing to herself: "I'm Elvis! I'm Elvis! Make me a peanut butter and banana sandwich...on the double man, on the double! I died on the toilet!" ...there is no pretext for that random inspiration- she just burst out with it.

Me: Livi, did you learn anything in school today?
Livi: Yeah, we learned about rati...rati...somethings....
Me: Ratios?
Livi: No, rati, nones? Something about numbers.
Me: Rational numbers?
Livi: Yeah!! We didn't learn about the other ones yet.
Me: Other ones?
Livi: Irri-rational numbers., I want to make it clear that Livi is in no way, shape, or form stupid or slow. She just has trouble recalling names of things, and in her search for she says some amazing things. So don't hate.

Livi, watching the Golden Globes: Oh! There's Tina Fey! She's going to win for best impostor.

Now, to make fun of Seth some more for playing his war games nonstop:
I found out the name of it: WarHammer 40,000 - Dawn of War. He has literally been playing ALL day. Some choice quotes:

The "Commissar" This is literally what he made me come and look at.
Livi: Can I watch you play?
Seth: I guess, but it's going to be boring.
Livi: Whoa! That guy's name is Seth?
Seth: No, that's just the name of my army.
Livi: Your whole army is named Seth? Whatever... NO! [points at something on the screen] Put it in the middle of nowhere so they don't suspect it!
....she is a military genius.

Now, on to my hero of the day. This one is actually painful, because I really, really don't want to admit defeat in my ongoing battle against the evil that IS Max Rubin, but he's giving me a ticket to inauguration, putting up with me for over ten hours in a car + an entire week of my totally RAWsome company (if you think I'm dropping you off Saturday and not seeing you again until Tuesday, you are mistaken. Sadly.), so here goes...

Physical Manifestation of my Nightmares.

Currently listening to: Girl Talk Feed the Animals
Currently reading: Images of the Past (My legit interesting Anthro text. As Rita would say, "No." )
Currently craving: Funk Fraimingham. Now, and always.

Grace + Mr. Beaver (the Beav) = True Love

Pouvons nous S'IL VOUS PLAIT aller au Londres MAITENANT?!!?!?!

Peace, Love, and Western Europe.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Ode to Mark DeRosa

Not blogging for an entire week has wreaked havoc in my life. Not only did I not discuss the departure of my favorite Cub, but I also did not name a hero of the week. And not ONE of my (two) readers called me out! I apologize Tina and Julie, not only for letting you down, but I also apologize because my lack of sensitivity to your senility has resulted in a less hilariously ironic and witty blog.

Woe. Is. Me. Why, Jim Hendry, did you have to dump ALL THAT SALARY (MARK DE ROSA) FOR MILTON BRADLEY? My wasted heart aches for the scruffy countenance of Mr. De Rosa's sculpted cheek bones glinting in the sun as he steps up to the plate already, and the players haven't even reported to spring training yet. I know that we need a power bat to shake up our lineup, but was it really necessary to trade the heart-and-soul of our team for someone who has played 100 games only ONCE and that was four years ago? I'm not going to say anything else about Milton Bradley because, frankly, I'm afraid that saying anything negative about him will cause him to beat me up. I'm afraid of him.

This may cause me to root for the Indians this year.

Do we really want someone on the team who's name, when entered into a google image search, brings up THIS at the number eight result?

Woe. Is. Me.

Wednesday... alarm at 6:45 --> out of bed at 7 --> didn't shower cause the aunts were still sleeping and the only rule about their shower is that no one is allowed to use whilst they are sleeping (should I not share that I haven't showered today?) --> managed to put some mascara onto my overly-tired looking eyes --> dropped Livi off at the Bakes --> Starbucks for my Venti coffee --> Deutsch, Kresge 4-350 --> Work in Kresge 1-353 --> Cultural Anthro, Tech M345 --> tanning --> Michigan Ave --> covert mission for Aunt Pat (I can't go into the details) --> reading articles for an inordinate amount of time --> Livi up from the Bakes --> finished essay for an internship that I would give my left arm for --> futzing around with Maggie and Seth --> futzing around with Livi --> ordered some delicious pizza for a nutrious dinner --> learned that I am now one degree of separation away from Anderson Cooper.

The ULTIMATE Silver Fox...he haunts my dreams.

Written down, it looks like I've done so much more than I actually have today...Fail? Is there such a thing as half a fail? Well, there is now. It's called a demi-Fail and it applies in situations where a normal Fail is not quite applicable, but you deserve some sort of recognition for not excelling at life. Done and done.

Upon hearing the phrase, "the bee's knees", does anyone else conjure up an image of a cartoon bumble bee wearing a bowler hat doing that dance where you put your hands on your knees and then cross and un-cross your arms whilst bowing your knees in and out? No? Just me? Awkward.

Seth spent about four hours playing a game on his computer where he had to battle "Orcs" (and no, it wasn't a Lord of the Rings game, apparently) and was narrated by someone who has the voice of James Earle Jones mixed with Jeremy Irons (Darth Vader + Scar = She-ra, princess of power?) and I told him "I'm going to blog the shit out of you and your lame computer game Seth" to which he replied "You're a bitch" and retreated to the basement. When you're not looking, the un-buttoned pink oxford shirt and Hermes cologne fades away and the kid with the too-short long johns and over-sized Dr. Howard Elementary School tee-shirt comes back to play War Hammer and talk about Legos.
sethd223 (10:48:02 PM): be up in a bit
cfine26 (10:48:09 PM): k
sethd223 (10:48:11 PM): i'm conquering shit

You know you're a Hipster when...

1) False. People freak the fuck out when you call them a hipster, which I totally don't get. To me, being a hipster implies a trend relating to the way that people dress, not some sort of anti-establishment bullshit "social revolution" brought on by bored kids with too much money to rebel against NOTHING cause there is absolutely nothing for these kids to be rebelling against. It is completely and totally stupid to be offended if someone says something along the lines of, "you're looking hipster today", or, "did you get that at American Apparel, hipster mcgee?" The "Hipster" movement is nothing more than a fashion trend that's sweeping the naysh (read: abbrev. for nation you old people) and has been given a bad name by anorexic socialite dudes who have nothing to do but spend some more money at Untitled. So calm the fuck down and smoke another Parliament to get the taste of that last PBR out of your mouth (right, Gracie?!). COUNT IT!

In other news, I just got another large cardigan and a new pair of bright leggings to wear with my Toms and vintage purse whilst listening to the new M83 album. Boo-yah on my own self.

Especially for Grace: Kiki Kannibal ("Scene Queen" = one who takes emo/hipster fashion to a whole new level of outrageous to illicit gasps and long looks from strangers). She is my new obsession for no other reason than I can't look away.

I fear for the future.

How long do you think it takes her to get ready in the morning?

Hero of the day: Captain and Tennille. Have you even listened to "Love Will Keep us Together"? It's a fucking classic. And the "Captain"? His real name is DARYL DRAGON. TOP THAT! These two have been going at it since 1972. Heroic is almost not a strong enough word. Almost.

I don't know how you get hair to go around one's face like that, but I want to.

Currently listening to: Sigur Ros, Takk
Currently reading: Kontakte: A Communicative Approach (Yeah, it's my German textbook)
Currently Craving: Some hilarious Livi quotes, cause I've been seriously lacking.

Peace, Love, and Crashcans. And Chetchup. And Fings.


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Feeling the burn

Dearest and most loyal readers, I have to apologize for my long hiatus. Winter break has caused me to become both lethargic and boring, so not only did I have nothing to write about, but I was also lacking the strength and conviction to complete a post.


The following needs to be discussed in detail:
1. Miami
2. School
3. Kids, Inc.
4. Watches, Sunglasses, and difficult decisions

Miami Beach! Ah-may-zing. It was so, so nice to be able to lay in the sun and just relax. Micaela, Sally, and I stayed at an amazing hotel called Loews Miami Beach. It had like, three restaurants, a beach, a pool, and a spa. I got the most expensive pedicure of my life ($60!!! WTF?!?!), but I guess it was worth it cause I love getting my feet touched...that sounds much more awkward than it actually is. Or something.

Totes Beautiful, right?
Micaela and Sally and I decided to go out one night, so while I was getting a pedicure those two crazy ladies decided to ask the concierge where the 'cool' places are to go in Miami. We went to a really cool little bar to get mojitos/wine, and then we went to the Grillfish for dinner. I got salmon...delicious.

Waxy O'Connor's --> Mansion to stand in line for five minutes then decide against waiting --> Nobu/SkyBar for one drink and some awkward stares--> Segofredo but didn't want to wait for a table --> Buck 15 but didn't want to wait in line --> back to the hotel for more mojitos

My new best friend: The raspberry mojito

Miami, in general, is one big line. And everyone in line is rather tacky looking, so there is not much incentive to wait and see what it would be like on the inside. Cause really, the inside must look a lot like the outside but with more drinks in peoples' hands and louder music. And maybe some UV lights....

Inside Mansion...maybe in my younger days I would've enjoyed it more. I'm the worst party cause I'm old and lame now.
In an effort to alleviate my snoring, and allow Micaela to catch some zzz's, I bought some nose strips that pull apart my nostrils. They were helpful, but they left stickiness on my nose that was really unpleasant in the morning. So, if you're considering buying something so that your partner (yeah, Micaela and I made it official...) can sleep through your snoring, I would seriously consider Breathe Right strips. Good times...

I missed my flight coming back to Chicago yesterday. I can't even deal with how horrible my experience at Miami International Airport was. Fortunately, Grace Garcia Clarke saved my life and made it possible for me to get home.

I was going to put up a picture of Gracie herself, but this came up as the #1 result when I google imaged her. Awkward and delicious all at the same time.

Back to school...lame. I'm taking two anthro classes, a course called "exhibiting antiquity", and Deutsch (naturlich!). Bill is on my back about continuing with Ancient Greek, but I honestly have no time...I'm supposed to finish my thesis by the first week of May and I've currently done NOTHING to further this goal. I keep having horrible anxiety dreams about not being able to like, read or write correctly. I can't even translate the Latin correctly. I wake up in a cold sweat. I'm not kidding. My nerdiness knows no bounds. Woof.

OK, so the other day Grace and I were discussing some bright neon crazy-looking leggings. I was trying really hard to think of what they reminded me of when I suddenly remembered: KIDS, INCORPORATED. That's what it reminded me of. And holy crap, does anyone remember the glory, the wonder, the horror...of JLH pre-Party of Five?

According to Wikipedia, there was almost of decade of this show. 1984-1993 will go down as the best years of television history. "The series revolved around a group of children and teenagers who performed in their own rock group, Kids Incorporated. The band members struggled to deal with issues ranging from divorce to violence to schoolyard crushes while performing regularly at a local restaurant/theatre, The P*lace (called The Malt Shop in the pilot). It was originally named The Palace, but the "a" in the neon sign burned out. It was never explained how the KI group funded or profited from their performances, but the show did not aim for strict realism. The action took place on abstract, "stagey" sets and the plots involved many fantasy elements (such as the band meeting a singing robot)." Does anything sound better? Answer: NO.
Seth, circa 5 seconds ago: "Kate, I've honestly never heard of that show. What is it? Like, a musical review?"

Go on youtube, search "Kids, Incorporated", and enjoy.

Enough now, enough.

...I'm obsessed with watches. This blog shall not now, nor ever, become overly materialistic. That being said, I'm obsessed with watches. And sunglasses. And more sunglasses. Let's take a look at some... (Shut up, Tina, or I shall be forced to talk some more shit about your worst party ride. JUST SEE IF I'M JOKING. I DARE YOU)

Don't judge me. I just like to have my face covered by giant beautiful pieces of plastic.

I want a beautiful timepiece. What do you think?

OK, time to start meine Hausaufgaben fur Deutsch. Good times.

Seth, circa 20 minutes ago: I'm watching the second season of Arrested Development, and it's so funny.

Understatement of the millennium, biatch.

Currently listening to: Portishead via House
Currently reading: The Brothers Karamazov ('s slow going)
Currently craving: to know how the hell this episode of House ends...and Buster Bluth. Always Buster Bluth.

Peace, Love, and Tony Hale.